LOVE

          Love can move mountains, or at least that’s what Celine Dion says in her song of the same name. Love, as beautiful as it is, is a concept that most people don’t grasp. Most people tend to understand the sweet and gentle romance of love. However they are not really able to navigate their way through the trials and tribulations of love. Combined with the highly stressful lives that medical doctors have to endure, the responsibility of a relationship can be incredibly daunting as well as act as a deterrent for doctors to pursue these relationships. However, we need to remember there are plenty of people who have done this before and we ought to use them as an example on how we can create a wonderful romantic relationship for ourselves and for our partners.

   

          I decided to interview a doctor couple to get their perspective on the matter. Looking for a couple who was interested was no easy feat however, with privacy being the main concern. I managed to snag some time with Dr. A and her husband Dr. N to get their view on the topic. To respect their privacy, I will not be mentioning their full names. Some of the topics I touched on were their initial meeting, dating as well as marriage.

 

          Dr. A and Dr. N were introduced to one another through family members and had an arranged marriage. The both of them agreed that they were mutually attracted to each other’s pleasant nature and good communication skills, both of those traits being important to one another.

 

          When asked what came to mind when dating in medical school, Dr. N indicated that having a partner to have a family with as well as someone to live life to the fullest with was important to him. Dr. A cited parental expectations to get married as her thoughts on dating in medical school. Both agreed that dating in medical school was about meeting new people and to explore the various kinds of personalities and traits that were important to them in a partner. Both were open to the idea of dating in hopes of finding someone compatible to settle down with.

 

          According to the couple, one of the biggest struggles when dating as a doctor was actually maintaining the relationship as well as not knowing what they wanted, being young doctors who were not experienced enough to discern what they needed in a partner. Oftentimes, they would date someone with some initial attraction but realise after a short courtship that they were not compatible. They would also wonder if the attraction that they had for the person was mutual. Another struggle was multitasking and managing their home life as well as work life. They mentioned that it was important to not bring their personal lives into the work space and their work back home. This was important as it could create an unpleasant work environment for the people around you when the emotional problems from the home are carried to the work space and vice versa. In order to prevent the mixing of work and home life, they cited having a cheerful outlook upon life, no matter the problems they faced, as important as this radiates positive energy and creates a good aura around you. This is something that  the people around you can appreciate as it is an extension of your professionalism and ability to separate work and home. This advice given was also extended to couples that were dating. 

 

          Multitasking went hand in hand with learning how to compromise, when it came to some struggles while dating and being married as a doctor. Compromise was key, as both doctors had many tasks to get done both at home and in the workplace. Medicine, being a high stakes career, needed practising doctors to be alert. This extends to the fact that both parties needed to be alert about each other’s responsibilities and to work around each other’s schedules so that both parties could get their tasks done. Compromise allowed both parties to find a middle ground and make sure that both party’s needs were met.

 

          When asked about how they managed to create a work-life balance, Dr. N was very adamant about the fact that discipline was key in making that happen. He specifically mentioned getting up early and making sure all of the morning’s tasks were done so that they were able to have a peaceful morning before heading off to work. This peace ensured that neither the stress of work nor the home impinged on one another. Dr. A mentioned that time management was also very important to prevent work and tasks that needed to be done at home from clashing.

 

          According to them, some of the joys of raising a child in this profession were being able to provide more opportunities for their children to propel their success, being able to watch their children grow, participate in their development as well as participate in their decision making when they were older. Some of the struggles included avoiding spoiling their children, preventing their high expectations of their children from getting in the way of their children’s natural talents and gifts and feeling like parenting advice from others didn’t really work as it was based on other children who had different weaknesses and strengths.

 

          Lastly, I asked them about the greatest strength of their relationship and what they would encourage other doctors to work on in their relationships. Dr. N cited that love was the greatest strength of their relationship and that he encouraged other couple’s to continuously work on that. According to Dr. A, trust and appreciation were the greatest strengths of their relationship. She encouraged doctor couple’s to be thoughtful about each other’s personal and professional growth and development as well as their communication skills.

 

           It is clear that love, as beautiful as it is, is a lot of work. That work is multiplied tenfold within the realm of medicine, where 2 doctors with highly stressful jobs come together to fall in love and begin another chapter in their lives. While it may seem impossible, Dr. N and Dr. A are proof that these relationships can be fruitful if the very many aspects of the couple’s lives such as communication, teamwork and compromise are worked on. The question is, are you ready to put in the work for love?